What Is Codependency

Codependency is not to be confused with depending on someone. To rely on someone is part of a secure, healthy relationship. Codependency is an entirely different monster. The difference is when your entire life is centered around your partner where your identity and sense of self-worth is contingent on that person’s approval.

People in codependent relationships cannot survive without the other – a dependent behavior that is toxic to the mental and physical health of both individuals.

According to a study by the University of North Dakota, codependent men and women will remain loyal to their partners despite ongoing stress and lack of reward for their efforts. Controlling behavior, exaggerated sense of responsibility, and worth dependency are a few key characteristics of codependency.

So, How Do You Know If You’re Codependent?

Ask yourself these questions.

Do you give all the support while sacrificing your own emotional, physical, and mental needs?

Compromise and even a little sacrifice is something you should be prepared for to strengthen a relationship. But it’s not healthy when you’re the only one sacrificing and providing support while your partner is doing all the taking.

Do you feel lost when left by yourself?

Maintaining your individuality is crucial for developing healthy relationships. If you feel lost and not sure what to do with yourself without your “other half,” it may be time to re-evaluate who you are outside of the relationship. Who are you without your partner? Do you remember?

Are you always anxious and feel like you’re never doing enough to make the relationship work?

If you’re feeling anxious more often than not, something is wrong. It’s normal to have dips and lows in a relationship, but if you always feel stressed and like you’re never good enough, that’s not normal. A healthy relationship should be a place of comfort, not one that’s giving you insecurities and sleepless nights.

Does your partner raise all your red flags but you stay anyway, thinking you could change them?

Everyone has their list of deal-breakers, and people don’t change. If you’re not content with who your partner is in the present and hope to change them into the person you “know” they can be, then it’s time to reassess your relationship. You have to love the person, not the potential.

Have you tried to be more independent but only feel more anxious when you’re not with them?

Take this as a sign that your identity is too tightly wound up in the relationship. Doing things by and for yourself is not selfish, it is essential to your well-being and will strengthen your confidence and self-esteem.

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