Saturday, November 30, 2019
Best way to breakup and things to do during the breakup
There are few feelings worse than being dumped. But being the one to end the relationship may be a close second.
The truth is, breakups aren’t easy for either person. But if you’re the one doing the dumping, there are a few things you can do to make the experience less painful for both you and your partner. Here’s the best way to break up with somebody, according to relationship experts.
Tell the truth — but don’t be cruel
If you’re ending a relationship, you owe it to the other person to explain why, says Rachel Sussman, a New York City psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible . “The people that I see who have the hardest time after a breakup, it’s because they don’t understand,” Sussman says. Ideally, your reason shouldn’t shock the other person, because you’ve discussed it in the past and tried to work through it.
Guy Winch, a New York City psychologist and author of How to Fix a Broken Heart, agrees that you should give a reason, but stresses that a breakup isn’t license to unload all of your pent-up complaints and snide comments — even if the other person says they want to hear them. “Find the one thing, because that might be useful for them [to know],” he says. Listing every last annoyance isn’t productive and will only drag out what’s likely to be a painful conversation.
It’s also important to choose your words carefully, the experts agree. “Phrase something as, ‘This bothers me,’ or ‘This really was difficult for me,’” instead of blaming the other person, Winch says. What you feel is terrible isn’t always objectively terrible, he says — just bad for you.
Finally, resist the urge to soften the blow with platitudes. Saying, “‘We can be friends,’ or ‘Now’s not a good time for me,’ all sound like, well, maybe in the future” things could work out, Winch says. Don’t imply that’s the case if it’s not.
Do it face-to-face
Both Winch and Sussman say in-person breakups are the most considerate and mature option for established couples, and should preferably happen in a private place. “If it’s in public, they might be distraught, and then they have to somehow get home, which is horrible,” Winch says. The best place to do it is in their home, not yours, he adds, so you can leave if the situation gets too drawn out, and so that they’re in a familiar place.
That said, there are a few exceptions to the face-to-face rule, Winch says. Most importantly, if you fear for your safety in any way, you should keep your distance. (If you need support or help, you can call the
National Domestic Violence Hotline .) Aside from that, a phone-based breakup may be okay if you’re dating long-distance, or if you’ve only seen each other a few times. For very new dating situations that have only lasted a date or two, you can even get away with a text.
But even if you’ve only been on one date, Winch says it’s always better to be upfront, rather than ghosting. He even recommends writing out a boilerplate message — something along the lines of, “Thank you, it was fun, but I didn’t feel a romantic connection” — and keeping it on hand for those situations.
“If they contact you, have that cut-and-paste ready to go,” Winch suggests. “It’s easier than having to compose it. That’s what really puts people off or makes them delay.”
Be sure
All too often, Sussman says, the person who ends a relationship has second thoughts once the deed is done, which only makes for a messy, painful situation. “Spend some time soul-searching, journaling, talking to a really good friend or family member or talking to a relationship specialist” to get your thoughts in order, Sussman says.
While it may feel uncomfortable to carry on the relationship while you make up your mind, Winch says it’s a necessary evil. “Everyone who wants to break up, every single person, does not voice that the minute they think it.
They have to process it and be sure and be ready,” Winch says. “That’s how it works.”
Once you’ve resolutely decided to end things, however, you shouldn’t delay the conversation or prematurely act like you’re single, Sussman says. “The dumbest thing people do is get involved with other people before their relationship is over. They just want to have a plan B. It can also be to create distance, maybe even on some level of wanting to get caught,” she says. “If you’re involved with someone and the contract is exclusivity and monogamy, to cheat on that person is the most hurtful thing.”
Let them decide whether or not to contact you
It may seem kind to check in on your ex or to maintain a friendly rapport after a breakup, but resist the impulse. Both Sussman and Winch say the person who got dumped should be the one to decide when, or if, they want to reopen contact — and ideally, that should only happen after you’ve both moved on completely.
“The person who’s been broken up with has a right, a couple weeks later, to say, ‘Can we talk? Can we go over this again?’” Sussman says. But aside from that, couples should take time apart before trying to become friends , if they take that step at all, she says.
Let at least three months pass before starting any kind of friendship, Winch says — adding that most people who follow this rule opt not to get back in touch. If you’re the person ending things, Winch says you should prepare yourself for that possibility and give your ex their space, as hard as that may be.
source http://tasboy.com/best-way-to-breakup-and-things-to-do-during-the-breakup/
Mbowe Arejesha Fomu yake ya Kugombea Uenyekiti CHADEMA, Tundu Lissu Kuwa Makamu Mwenyekiti
Hayo yameelezwa na Mwenyekiti wa CHADEMA Taifa Freeman Mbowe wakati akirejesha fomu yake ya kuwania Uenyekiti wa chama hicho kwa Katibu wa Katibu wa CHADEMA Kanda ya Kaskazini.
Mbowe amesema kuwa "Sisi viongozi tunafahamiana historia zetu na umadhubuti wetu, baada ya mashauriano tumemuelekeza Tundu Lissu ajaze fomu ya kuomba nafasi ya Makamu Mwenyekiti, na amefanya hivyo japo hatuzuii mwingine yoyote kujaza nafasi hiyo"
"Kwa sababu Prof. Abdallah Safari (Makamu Mwenyekiti CHADEMA Bara) anaondoka, wamejitokeza Watanzania kadhaa kujaribu kugombea nafasi hiyo, kwa kuwa tunahitaji viongozi" amesema Mbowe
Mbowe alichukuliwa fomu hiyo na wanachama waliochanga Sh1 milioni kulipia gharama na kumkabidhi. Baada ya kuipokea mbunge huyo wa Hai aliikabidhi kwa katibu wa Chadema Kanda ya Kaskazini, Amani Golugwa.
Mara baada ya kukabidhi fomu hiyo, wanachama waliofurika katika ukumbi unakofanyika mkutano huo walishangilia
Kwa sasa chama hicho kimeingia kwenye Uchaguzi wake wa ndani ngazi ya Kikanda ambapo Desemba 18, ndiyo uchaguzi wa nafasi ya Mwenyekiti utafanyika.
So how do you know whether it’s time to leave or time to fight harder to hold on?
Relationships move through patches. Sometimes they coast along beautifully. Sometimes they splutter. Sometimes they gasp for breath on a cold stone floor. And sometimes they couldn’t even be bothered doing that.
So how do you know whether it’s time to leave or time to fight harder to hold on? How do you know the difference between a bad patch and a permanent stagnation?
Knowing whether or not to call it quits isn’t always easy but if you pay attention the clues will be there. There are plenty. Here are 12:
1. You’re getting the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ chat.
This can be heartbreaking, I know, but don’t fight it. The reality is that it doesn’t matter if it’s you or your partner. If this is what you’re hearing, it means the combination of both of you just doesn’t work anymore. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of you. What it means is that he or she can’t – or won’t – love you the way you deserve to be loved. Hanging on to that sort of relationship is such a waste of you. And as for that one-way love thing – you’re just too good for it. Let it go so something better can find you.
2. Oh the disappointment.
When you come home to be surprised by a candlelit room, a dozen roses and him or her preparing your favourite meal, you’re disappointed because you have your favourite mag in one hand, your favourite ‘takeaway for one’ in the other and, well, when you imagined tonight – it didn’t look like candles and roses and favourite home-made dinners. Nup. Nothing like that at all.
3. When there’s no ‘us’ in future.
When you think of your future, it doesn’t involve a picture of you-know-who at all. Instead, you’re jumping out of parachutes on your own and planning a trip to Italy with friends to learn how to cook pizza and how to say, ‘Buongiorno’ the way the locals do.
4. The perfect Saturday night. It just looks different.
Your perfect Saturday night is snuggling up on the couch, eating takeaway and watch a movie. By yourself.
5. What would you do if …
If this was the last day of your life, who would you want to be spending it with? Okay. Time’s up. The answer’s ‘him’ or ‘her’. If you’re still wondering whether or not your partner makes it on to your top five list of ‘maybes’, it’s probably time to move on.
6. Two types of days. Or not.
There used to be two types of days – days with your partner and days without. Days ‘with’ were the very best days of all. Not anymore.
7. ‘That’ talk.
Talk about the future – holidays, Christmas, having kids, growing old together – leaves you cold, though probably not as cold as the tumbleweeds that roll past in the silent void that follow every time there’s talk about the future – ‘Babe I’ve been thinking – you love kids, I love kids – do you think six would be too many? (At which point you’re wondering if by ‘kids’, he means with someone other than you – to which you would give your greatest blessing and, when the time came, an appropriate gift of a stuffed dog or a little yellow onesie.)
8. What if …
If something happened like, say, a nuclear holocaust, and every man or woman on the planet except yours was taken out, how would you feel about spending the rest of your life together? Relieved? Grateful? Devastated? Do you weep quietly? Howl like a fisherman’s widow/er at how damn unlucky you turned out to be? Feel too distressed at the end of online shopping to feel else anything at all? Pay attention.
9. You’re not ‘you’ anymore.
Are people telling you that you’ve changed? Lost your spark? Don’t seem happy any more? What’s telling is that you secretly know exactly what they mean because you’ve been thinking the same thing for a while.
10. Body talk.
You might be working hard to ignore the problem but your body won’t lie. It’s an annoying fact of being human that your body knows what’s going on often before the rest of you is ready to wise up. Are you having more than your usual share of headaches, muscle aches, back aches? Has your appetite changed? Is your sleep disturbed? They can all be signs that you’re off balance, and not just because of a dodgy pair of heels. What’s going on?
11. List it.
You make two lists: ‘Reasons to Stay’ and ‘Reasons to Leave’. When the ‘Reasons to Stay’ list ends up longer you’re disappointed, until you quickly decide that ‘our eyes aren’t the same colour’ is a completely legit reason to leave.
12. And this.
The things you used to love about your partner have become annoying, or nothing to you at all.
Ending a relationship is hard, even if you’re the one ending it. Listen to the clues. Giving up is very different to knowing when to walk away. Relationships are never a smooth road and periodically will require a fight of warrior daring to keep it together – even the good ones.
The most important thing is knowing the difference between having a relationship that’s worth fighting for, even if you get tired of the fight for a while, and knowing when there’s nothing left to fight for at all. There will always be a corner of you that will know the answer.
source http://tasboy.com/so-how-do-you-know-whether-its-time-to-leave-or-time-to-fight-harder-to-hold-on/
How texts affect most of our relationships
It can be tempting to start fighting about something via text. I mean we spend most of our lives attached to our phones, so of course, an argument is going to pop up as you’re messaging back and forth. But don’t do it!
Trust me. It never ends well, and here’s why.
It’s easy to misunderstand things. Words can get misconstrued since you aren’t able to hear the person’s tone of voice or see their body language. Things can escalate very quickly if you are both not understanding each other.
It’s easy to ignore the other person and let things fester. When you argue in person, you’re forced to deal with the conflict and not just walk away. But via text, it’s so easy to just stop responding to the other person. And the longer you let things fester, the worse off your relationship is going to be. A
study from researchers at the University of California Berkeley and Northwestern University found that “the length of time each member of a couple spent being upset [when in conflict] was strongly correlated with their long-term marital happiness.”
So the next time you find yourself starting to argue with your partner over text, just say, “Let’s talk about this in person.”
source http://tasboy.com/how-texts-affect-most-of-our-relationships/
NHIF Yatoa Ufafanuzi Juu ya Taarifa za Ongezeko la Michango ya Wanachama Kutoka 18,000 Hadi 40,000
Mfuko wa Taifa wa Bima ya Afya (NHIF) umesema hakuna mabadiliko ya michango kwa watumishi kama ambavyo taarifa zinazosambazwa mitandao zinadai kuwa kuna ongezeko la uchangiaji kutoka TZS 18,000 hadi TZS 40,000.
Madiwani Watano CHADEMA Jijini Arusha Wajiuzulu na Kutimkia CCM
Mbali na barua hizo za kujiuzulu, madiwani hao pia wamemuandikia barua katibu wa CCM Wilaya ya Arusha wakiomba kujiunga na chama hicho.
Kutokana na kujiuzulu kwa madiwani hao, Jiji hilo sasa lina madiwani 28 ambapo 20 ni wa Chadema na CCM wanane.
Katika uchaguzi mkuu wa mwaka 2015, CCM ilipata diwani mmoja lakini hivi karibuni madiwani saba wa Chadema walijiuzulu na kujiunga na chama hicho tawala.
Mkuu wa Mkoa wa Mbeya, Albert Chalamila aagiza mawakala mashine za EFD kukamatwa
Chalamila ametoa agizo hilo leo Jumamosi katika mkutano wake na wafanyabiashara wa soko hilo kwa ajili ya kusikiliza kero zao.
"RPC watafute leo Jumamosi wapumzike mahali tutakutana nao Jumatatu, haiwezekani huu ni upuuzi tunawahitaji wao hawapo hata sisi tumeacha usingizi," amesema.
Kwa mujibu wa Mamlaka ya Mapato Tanzania mkoani Mbeya (TRA), Jiji la Mbeya lina mawakala wanne kwa sasa ambao walitakiwa kuhudhuria mkutano huo.
The beginning of A relationship is so darn confusing.
You know you really like this guy.
He is definitely courting you, being attentive and saying some of the things you crave to hear.
But:
Is he really into you?
Is he serious about you?
Is he planning to stick around?
You want to know if he is ready to commit – well, you’ve come to the right place.
You are afraid to open your heart to someone who may only be playing, or trying to get in your pants.
In this post, you’ll find the best ways to know if he is serious about your relationship , or sees it as just a fling.
Ready? Start counting the signs. The more you find – the better the chances.
10 Surefire Signs that He is Serious about You
Here are the best ways to know a guy wants a serious relationship with you:
1. The Little Known Facebook Clue
No, I’m not talking about friending you on Facebook.
I’m talking about HIS friends facebooking you.
None of his friends would send a friend request to a girl that isn’t sticking around.
If you get a torrent of new Facebook friend requests from his friends, it’s because they can tell he is dead serious about you.
It’s one of the best clues that he is here to stay.
2. Zero Competition
You are the only girl he is involved with. There are no other women.
If there are other girls close to him in this early phase, he’d cut them off or will be willing to once he is ready for a serious
3. He Wants to Help
He doesn’t disappear when you mention you are moving or having to do something.
If he is into you, he’ll use this chance to see you and look for ways to help you out so he can be around you.
He will try to fix that chair for you.
4. He Brings Chicken soup
One of the best signs that he serious about you is if he comes around when you are sick.
If he doesn’t mind cuddling with a sweaty ball of oozing mucus, he definitely sees a future with you.
If he makes you (or just buys you) soup and hangs around while you pile up a mountain of tissues around you – you are more than just a fling.
5. He is Transparent
If he is transparent about his routine, and what he is about to do all day, and volunteers the information, he is not just playing with you.
You know he is in the gym in the morning and that he’ll meet you at 7 PM, and he arrives. On time. No excuses and cancellations.
If he is “missing” and doesn’t answer your call or gets back to you for a few hours, there’s always a credible explanation.
You won’t be wondering – what is he doing now? And why hasn’t he called me?
6. He Makes an Effort
He makes an effort to actually see you.
All the good morning texts and calls throughout the day don’t matter if he doesn’t put the effort to see you face to face.
No matter how busy he is, he makes it his priority to see whenever he can. No excuses, no lies or broken promises.
Of course, this won’t apply if you are in a long distance relationship .
7. The E Word
Oh, the exclusive word.
If he brings up not wanting to date anyone else, it’s one of the best signs that you are the only one on his mind, and in his heart.
You are more than enough for him.
8. He Wants You to Meet His Parents
He doesn’t avoid meeting your friends and your family, no matter how early is it in your relationship.
Most guys will avoid meeting your family if they’re not serious, for obvious reasons.
And this goes the other way of course:
If he introduces you to his friends and takes to their favorite places to hang out, he is very much into you, and only you.
9. The Key
A guy won’t give a girl a key to his place unless he is ready for a serious relationship.
If he slipped you the key, he plans on you using it, and he doesn’t mind you “snooping” around when he is not home.
He is ready to be vulnerable, to be exposed, and to fully open his heart and his life to you.
Do you need more than that? I wouldn’t.
10. He Trusts You
He opens up about his life struggles. He values your opinion and asks for your help. This is because he knows you have his best interest at heart.
He wants you to know every side of him and wants you to be his best friend.
Trust is extremely important for guys (and everyone really), and if he trusts you – he wants you.
It’s as simple as that.
source http://tasboy.com/the-beginning-of-a-relationship-is-so-darn-confusing-2/
Breakups tends to teach you..Here are few things to learn
1. Don’t Fall in Love Too Easily
By nature we are loving people — we want to love and be loved. It is a normal thing. The problem is not loving a person that you have developed feelings for. The problem is falling in love too easily.
Before two people become lovers, they must be friends. Friends know each other. Friends will help each other because they care for each other. If you don’t know your partner, when the relationship hits a rock it’ll fall to pieces.
Don’t let your eyes deceive you. Don’t look at the cover of a book and be satisfied with it because it’s appealing. Open the book to see the pages inside and know more about it.
Before you fall in love, take some time to get to know your would-be lover. Falling in love too easily is the biggest cause of breakups. Be careful with your heart. Take good care of it. Don’t fall for anyone until you are sure they are the right person to fall in love with.
2. Don’t Withhold Important Things
During the initial period of a relationship or before a relationship starts — the friendship stage — it’s important to let the other person know who you are. This includes telling them things about your past, even ones that might be sensitive. Of course, it doesn’t mean you need to tell them everything about yourself right away. No. If they like you, then they’ll want to know more about you.
If you don’t talk about these things (which can sometimes be difficult), and they later find out, it’s possible that you will break up.
For example, let’s say a woman can’t have children for one reason or another. It’s important that she let her partner know this early on. If they break up with her because of it, at least it happened before they were too closely bonded with one another. It will hurt, but it won’t be as painful as it would have been later
3. Your Partner Will Let You Down
No matter how great your partner is, they are going to let you down at some point. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust them at all — just that you should trust them knowing they are imperfect like you. So even though you love them, when it comes to matters of the heart, you shouldn’t give your partner the whole of your heart. You should reserve a part of it for yourself.
In the absence of trust, there is no love. If you love your partner, you trust them. So be realistic about what they can do. Even if you don’t break up, you’re going to have conflicts that will make you lose your trust in them. If you believe they will never let you down, you’re going to get hurt.
4. Don’t Have Your Life Revolve Around Your Partner
One thing that often happens when people are in relationships is that they begin to focus too much on their partner. Family members and friends are put aside as if they don’t mean very much — never mind that before you were in a relationship, they meant everything to you.
Remember that you are an individual with your own life. No one can fulfill your destiny. You’re the one in control of the steering wheel. What about your goals? Did they die once you fell in love? Does your partner mean more to you than everything and everyone? If you think so, then you’re deceiving yourself.
When you pin all your hopes and dreams on your partner, you forget to think about yourself and you begin living life to please your partner. This is a mistake. It’s true that relationships require commitment, and sacrifice, but they shouldn’t come at the expense of neglecting yourself and ignoring others.
5. Address Sensitive Issues
You need to address sensitive issues early on before they become problematic. Does he smoke and you don’t like it? Tell him. Does she do drugs and you’re not comfortable with it? Tell her. Does he appear possessive? Let him know.
Don’t think that things will change later on their own. It is better to address issues early on before they become troublesome. Tell your partner the behaviors or attitudes that are bothering you so they can try to fix it or come to some sort of compromise. Everyone has weaknesses, but that’s not an excuse for not working on anything.
It is better to let your partner know early on what kind of behaviors you won’t tolerate. If you notice something at the beginning, that is the right time to deal with it.
6. Communication
For a relationship to stay strong there must be good communication between partners. Lack of communication is one of the biggest factors that lead to breakups and divorces.
However, early on in the relationship you shouldn’t communicate for too long or too often. If you communicate on a daily basis, you’ll become too familiar with each other and you’ll get bored.
It is said that familiarity breeds contempt. If you are texting a lot, you should vary the texts that you send daily or the response time including calls. Getting used to something or somebody will make you loathe or get tired of them or they getting tired of you leading to the end of the relationship.
Sometimes it is not the lack of communication that is the problem. It’s the effectiveness. How often do you communicate with your partner, and how do you do it? Do you talk a lot face-to-face? When a problem arises in the relationship, does it affect your communication? If yes, to what degree?
Figuring out your own strengths and weaknesses surrounding communication will help you know better what kinds of problems to look out for and how to help your partner talk to you.
7. Looks Can Be Deceiving
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Though the cover of a person might appeal to you, what about the contents? Do they still hold your appeal? It doesn’t mean that all attractive people are deceivers, it’s just that the outside of anything always deceives. What matters is the heart — not looks or physical appearance.
So don’t go after looks. Go after the real person. This means you need to get to know the person before you give them a share of your heart. If you fall in love with someone because of the way they look, you didn’t really fall in love. It was only passion that led you to think you’d fallen in love with them. Love doesn’t look at the outward appearance of a person, but at the heart.
The next time you come across someone attractive, assess them first and then you can determine whether you want to get into a relationship with them.
source http://tasboy.com/breakups-tends-to-teach-you-here-are-few-things-to-learn/
All the relationship advice in the world won’t make any difference if you’re choosing the wrong guy.
This is the step that often gets missed or overlooked. Women hammer away, trying to pound the proverbial square peg into a round hole, then wonder what they’re doing wrong, why they can’t seem to make it fit, why they can’t get the love they want. You can’t turn a losing stock into a winning stock. You can’t force someone to change and to want what you want. You can’t convince someone to feel a certain way about you.
I spent way too long chasing after guys who wouldn’t or couldn’t give me what I wanted, and then I wondered what was wrong with me when it didn’t get me lasting love! The problem was simple: I was choosing the wrong men. It sounds straightforward enough, but it’s a very tricky thing. We fall for these guys because it feels so right, because we’re swept up in the passion, the chemistry, and the intoxicating aura of unavailability; we get sucked into the space that exists when someone is just beyond our reach and it makes us yearn for him. We convince ourselves that this is it, that he’s the one and we just need to make him see it.
This is where the problems develop. This is where all the questions and tears and doubt and uncertainties and fears start to consume you. You mistake these feelings for true love because maybe you’ve never felt this way before, and you think it must be because this guy is different and this relationship is meant to last.
This is just a glimpse into the confusion that ensues when you choose the wrong guy. If you’re hung up on a man who can’t commit or won’t commit or who is mean to you or who is just a mean person in general, a guy with baggage, a guy with serious issues, a guy who you think would be perfect “if only” he changed such and such, then you’re setting yourself up to lose before you even begin, and you are blocking yourself from ever finding the love you want.
Where Healthy Relationships Begin
Before we talk about what to look for in a guy, it’s important to look at how relationships begin. The start of a relationship can oftentimes color our lenses and sometimes lead us down a bad path and into a toxic relationship.
Here’s a situation that may sound familiar to you (it was certainly a recurring theme for me in my single life!) You meet someone, something clicks, and suddenly it feels like a force outside of you has taken over.
After this encounter you can’t—for the life of you—get this guy out of your head. You try to think about other things but nothing works. You ruminate over every detail of your interaction with him—what he said, what you said, what his body language said. You think about the things you wish you had said.
You check your phone constantly to see if he called or texted. If he does, your stomach drops, your heart races, you want to leap off your seat and shout for joy. And then of course you need to figure out the exact right thing to say back to him, the perfect quip to show him that you’re perfect for each other.
The high continues as you venture into a relationship, and it becomes even more intense. You never quite know where you stand with him. The uncertainty keeps you on your toes, constantly on alert for something that looks like a bad sign or an ominous foreshadowing. This emotional rollercoaster is as thrilling as it is exhausting. You’re hooked.
The worst possible thing that could happen is him leaving. It’s a fear you can’t quite shake no matter how promising the situation looks, a fear that drives everything you say and do.
Now another scenario.
You meet a guy, you think he’s nice and all, you have a good conversation, and he gets your number. While you’re pleased, you don’t go into a tizzy over it. You may check his Facebook profile, but only for a few minutes.
You are happy to hear from him if he calls or texts, but you don’t notice the hours that pass in between your interactions. You go out a few times, not expecting much, but soon enough your interest and attraction begin to grow. Things feel calm, there’s no drama, no heart palpitations … and it feels really nice.
Which relationship do you think has a stronger chance of survival?
Instinctively, you would say the second one. In real life, you would fall for the first. That’s because the first scenario illustrates everything we’ve ever been told about love.
In movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. There are huge obstacles to overcome, but it’s OK because love conquers all! I mean, would any of us have cared for “The Notebook” if Ali and Noah were of the same social status, went on a few lukewarm dates, then got to know each other and developed a deepening connection over time? Don’t think so.
source http://tasboy.com/all-the-relationship-advice-in-the-world-wont-make-any-difference-if-youre-choosing-the-wrong-guy/
Gari la Coastal Union Likiwa na Mashabiki Walioenda Kumshangilia Bondia Mwakinyo Lapata Ajali
Kwa Mujibu wa Mganga Mkuu Bagamoyo,Dkt Azizi Msuya, majeruhi walikuwa zaidi ya kumi na sita lakini kumi ndio walikuwa na hali mbaya, kati ya hao wawili wamefariki, sita wamepata huduma ya kwanza na wameomba wakatibiwe zaidi Bombo, wawili wamepata rufaa kwenda Muhimbili, na wengine wanaendelea vizuri
Ajinyonga Baada Ya Mkewe Kumtoroka Usiku na Kwenda Kwa Mwanaume Mwngine
Kamanda wa Polisi Mkoa wa Rukwa, Justine Masejo, alisema katika tukio la kwanza lililotokea Novemba 24 saa 6 usiku, mwanaume aliyefahamika kwa jina la Rafael Leonard (49) mkazi wa Kijiji cha Bumanda Kata ya Korongwe wilayani Nkasi, alijinyonga chumbani kwake kwa kutumia kamba ya nailoni.
Alisema kabla ya kujinyonga alikuwa amelala na mkewe alipo shtuka usingizini alikuta mke wake ametoroka na kwenda kwa mwanaume mwingine ndipo alipokasirika na kupatwa na wivu wa kimapenzi na kuamua kujinyonga.
Katika tukio la pili lililotokea Novemba 23 saa 8 mchana, katika Kijiji cha Mwai Kata ya Namanyere, kamanda huyo alisema watu wawili waliofahamika kwa majina ya Japhet Jelazi (25) na Peter Silunde (8) walikufa papo hapo baada ya kupigwa na radi wakiwa wamejikinga mvua chini ya mti.
Alisema Jelazi ambaye alikua akilima shambani na Silunde aliyekuwa akichunga mbuzi baada ya kuona mvua imeanza kunyesha, waliamua kukimbilia chini ya mti ili kujikinga wasilowane na mvua hiyo ndipo radi ilipo wapiga na kufariki dunia papo hapo.
Katika tukio la mwisho lililotokea katika Kitongoji cha Milundikwa Kijiji cha Nkundi, Kamanda Masejo alisema mtoto Emiliana Kauzeni (3) alikufa maji baada ya kutumbukia kwenye dimbwi la maji yaliyokuwa yametuama nyuma ya nyumba yao kufuatia mvua zinazo endelea kunyesha mkoani humo.
Kwa mujibu wa kamanda, mtoto huyo alikuwa akicheza peke yake na kisha kuzunguka nyuma ya nyumba ndipo alipokwenda kwenye dimbwi la maji lililokuwa nyuma ya nyumba na kisha kutumbukia na kufa maji huku mama yake akiwa amelala ndani akijipumzisha kutokana na uchovu wa shughuli za kilimo.
Kamanda huyo alisema kutokana na matukio hayo, hakuna watu wanaoshikiliwa lakini akawahimiza wakazi wa mkoa huo kuwa waangalifu katika kipindi hiki cha mvua za masika ili kujiepusha na madhara yanayoweza kujitokeza.
Kamanda huyo alisema kutokana na matukio hayo, hakuna watu wanaoshikiliwa lakini akawahimiza wakazi wa mkoa huo kuwa waangalifu katika kipindi hiki cha mvua za masika ili kujiepusha na madhara yanayoweza kujitokeza.
Chuo Cha Mipango Chatakiwa Kufanya Utafiti Wa Umasikini Na Utekelezaji Miradi Ya Umma
NAIBU Waziri wa Fedha na Mipango, Dkt. Ashatu Kijaji, amekitaka Chuo cha Mipango ya Maendeleo Vijijini, kutafiti kwa kina namna wananchi wanavyoweza kuondokana na umasikini wa kipato pamoja namna Miradi mbalimbali ya Serikali inavyoweza kutekelezwa kwa ufanisi na kwa kuzingatia thamani ya fedha kuliko ilivyo sasa.
Dkt. Kijaji ametoa rai hiyo wakati akiwatunuku astashahada na shahada mbalimbali wahitimu 3,182 Wa Chuo cha Mipango ya Maendeleo Vijijini Kampasi ya Dodoma wakati wa sherehe za mahafali ya 33 ya chuo hicho.
Amesema kuwa matokeo ya tafiti hizo yataisaidia Serikali na Jamii kwa ujumla kupanga mikakati ya namna ya kukabiliana na umasikini wa wananchi hususan wa vijijini pamoja na kuharakisha maendeleo ya nchi kwa kuhakikisha kuwa miradi inayotekelezwa na Serikali inakuwa na tija.
Kwa upande wake Mwakilishi wa Katibu Mkuu Wizara ya Fedha na Mipango ambaye pia ni Kamishna Msaidizi wa Bajeti Bw. Pius Mponzi amemwahidi Dkt. Ashatu Kijaji, kwaniaba ya Baraza la Chuo hicho kwamba wataongeza jitihada katika eneo la utafiti na kuhakikisha kuwa matokeo ya utafiti huo yanawafikia wananchi kwa lugha rahisi
Naye Mkuu wa Chuo hicho cha Mipango ya Maendeleo Vijijini Profesa Hozen Mayaya amesema chuo chake kimetimiza miaka 40 tangu kianzishwe na kimepata mafanikio makubwa kwa kutoa wahitimu mahili na wenye kukidhi mahitaji ya soko.
Amebainisha kuwa Chuo kimeongeza idadi ya kozi kutoka kozi moja mwaka 1980 hadi kufikia kozi 25 mwaka huu, huku idadi ya wanachuo wanaodahiliwa nayo imeongezeka kutoka wanachuo 13 mwaka huo hadi kufikia wanachuo zaidi ya elfu 11 mwaka huu.
Simbachawene: Matumizi Ya Nishati Mbadala Ni Kitu Cha Muhimu Kwa Maendeleo Ya Taifa
Aliongeza kuwa changamoto kubwa iliyopo ni kuhakikisha kuwa masuala yote yanayokwamisha upatikanaji rahisi, ueneaji na ongezeko la matumizi ya Nishati hizi kwa wananchi wote hasa walioko vijijini na hata mijini linashughulikiwa ipasavyo. ”Ninawashauri muwe tayari kupeleka huduma zenu vijijini kwa kuanzisha matawi ya biashara zenu huko badala ya kunga’ng’ania mijini pekee” alisema Waziri Simbachawene.
Aidha alisititiza kuwa Ofisi ya Makamu wa Rais inathamini juhudi za uendelezaji na uhamasishaji wa matumizi ya Nishati jadidifu na udhibiti wa ubora wa vifaa na ufungaji wa mitambo mbalimbali, ili kuwa na Teknolojia endelevu katika ustawi wa Mazingira yetu. Pia amewaagiza TAREA kufanya utafiti kubaini kwa kiasi gani jamii ya Wananchi katika mkoa wa Dar es Salaam wanatumia nishati jadidifu.
“Naye Balozi wa Uholanzi Nchini Tanzania Bwana Jeroen Verheul amemshukuru Waziri Simbachawene lakin pia amesema kuwa wataendelea kufadhili masuala mbalimbali ya mazingira yakiwemo yanayohusu nishati mbadala kama ambavyo wamefanya kwa TAREA.
Akiongea katika ufungzi huo Katibu wa Jumuia ya Nishati jadidifu Makamu Mwenyekiti wa TARE Bwana Prosper Magali, alimshukuru Waziri Simbachawene kwa kufungua maonyesho hayo na aliongeza kuwa TAREA itaendelea kushughulika na masuala ya nishati jadidifu lakini pia wanachukua maelekezo ya Waziri aliyowapa na kuyafanyia kazi.
Maonyesho hayo ya nishati jadidifu yameandaliwa na Jumuia ya nishati jadidifu (TAREA) ambapo hufanyika kila mwaka. Kwa mwaka huu maonyesho hayo ymefanyika katika viwanja vya mnazi mmoja na mgeni Rasmi akiwa Waziri wa Nchi ofisi ya Makamu wa Rais- Muungano na Mazingira Mh. George Simbachawene.
Fighting fair, on the other hand will keep relationships intact.
Research has made it clear that the way we argue carries more heft in determining relationship quality than whether or not we argue, or how much. Fighting filthy will bring us undone. Fighting fair, on the other hand will keep relationships intact.
People and families have a characteristic way of fighting and each is fed by a different part of the brain. New research is challenging people to look at how their brain influences how they fight, with a view to learning more adaptive ways to engage in conflict and avoid the scalding heat of battle.
The Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution has developed a test for this very purpose. The ‘Monkey v Lizard’ quiz was designed to give people a better idea of what part of their brain they are using when they argue. With this information, people are then well positioned to make deliberate choices around how they ‘do’ conflict.
Monkey v Lizard. Now to explain …
There are two parts of our brain that are called into play when we argue. The Old Brain (the lizard) is the primal ‘fight or flight’ response. All action and not a lot of thought. The other is called the New Brain (the monkey) and involves cognitive (thought) processes such as empathy, reflection and understanding.
The Old Brain is driven to protect us from threat by physically preparing us to fight for our life or run for it. It can come in handy when there’s, say, a bus hurtling towards us and we need to get out of the way. It’s not so handy when the issue is that of Oreos, or more specifically, that someone has taken the last one.
When there’s no need for a physical response (no need to fight, no need to flee), the cortisol builds up. As this happens, the thinking part of the New Brain that empathises, reflects and understands, gets sidelined in favour of the more primitive, automatic, unthinking part. When this happens, there will likely be yelling, personal sledging and aggression. Nobody listens and nobody is heard. Disrespect will be a hallmark.
The New Brain (the monkey), on the other hand is the thinker. When this part of the brain is at the helm, we’re likely to slow things down before we respond, check things out, reason, listen, reflect, empathise and communicate. When the New Brain drives behaviour, people feel heard, validated and understood. This doesn’t mean everyone agrees – not at all. What it means is that people and points of view are respected and relationships remain intact. There’s less ‘agro’ and more respect.
And now what to do about it.
The first step to bringing harmony to the home is being aware of what you’re doing that could do with some tweaking. Just because you’ve always done things a certain way, doesn’t mean you have keep doing them that way. By being aware of what you’re doing, behaviour becomes less automatic and you start to realise you have choices about how to respond. It’s always good to learn that you can do something better – it means you’re human – and a pretty good one if you’re open to change.
Ready to give it a go?
You’ll find the Monkey v Lizard Quiz here . It’s quick – like, 10 questions quick – and you’ll be learning something about yourself in the process. What’s not to love about that?
If your house is getting a bit hot headed, the Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution has a website with free resources and practical tips. You’ll find their excellent resources here . There’s advice for parents and carers and separate advice for young people. They also tailor advice according to the issue.
(Image: Scottish Centre for Conflict Resolution)
An easy way to calm the lizard.
If a battle feels looming, one of the ways to engage the new, thinking part of the brain and calm the old, primal part of the brain is by deep, slow breathing. This has been found to lower cortisol levels and reverse the fight or flight response. It’s why taking short space from each other before things overheat is important. It lets the Old Brain (the lizard) disengage and the New Brain (the monkey) come into play.
And finally …
Conflict is a way of life. In a house with flourishing, independent, curious minds it’s going to happen.
When kids are involved, it’s good to think that we’ve brought them up to think for themselves and to know their own mind. When you raise independent minds who are curious, strong, independent and questioning, there are going to be times when those minds differ from ours. Though it’s hard to be grateful for that when their acquiescence would make things so much easier, the truth is, it’s something to be proud of. What that depends on, of course, is that way the conflict plays out.
When people are not heard, acknowledged and validated, relationships fall apart. If this is something you’re struggling with in your family, take the test with your tribe to first show them that there is a different way of being. Then, have a look at the resources in the link. All change starts with awareness. Being open to change and the impact you have on people, when you’re fighting or otherwise, is the essence of healthy relating and the key to healthy, full relationships.
source http://tasboy.com/fighting-fair-on-the-other-hand-will-keep-relationships-intact/
What if You make more money than him..Learn how to behave around him
No matter what your partner does for a living, there is no denying that it is not exactly a walk in the park when they make less money than you. Here are five golden rules on what to do, and how to delicately approach the situation.
#1 Always treat your partner as an equal. First things first. Never, under any circumstances, make your partner feel bad about making much less than you. This is especially true if your sweetheart is a hard worker and is truly passionate about what they are doing. They may slave away at a non-profit organization and rake in peanuts, but if they come home to you every day with a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment, who are you to say anything about what they make?
You of all people should know that it takes more than just a paycheck to make getting up and going to work every morning possible. Just be sure that, should money issues ever crop up, never belittle them or make them feel that they’re not on par with you. With that being said, if they’re sitting on their bums all day then yes, make them feel as bad as you want.
#2 Readjust your spending. Another way to deal with the vast disparity in paychecks is to readjust your lifestyle. You may moan and complain about having to downgrade on the lavishness, but why not? There’s nothing wrong with living a simpler and more enriched life. There’s no need to spend thousands on a weekend to have fun, when there are plenty of things that can be done on a shoestring or sometimes even for free.
You have to be sure that your partner never feels obliged to fork out more than they should or feel bad about you paying for them, just to have fun with you. [Read:
#3 Treat your partner without making it seem like charity. Go ahead and treat them, if there’s something expensive that you want to eat, see or do, but never make it a habit. If your partner is someone with a very fierce sense of independence, they may just take it the wrong way, and say that you’re treating them like a charity case.
Sure, there are plenty of people out there who will expect you to pay for everything, but then, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who takes advantage of you anyway? Be sure that your partner is thankful and gracious about you spending money on them, but do not let it cross the line until they expect it of you. If you are totally fine with this, then go right ahead.
You should also remember to never make your partner feel like they are a burden to you. Even unconsciously making comments such as, “Okay, now I have to pay for two tickets” or “As I’m the one who pays all the time, maybe you can drive there instead.” You can expect an explosion unlike any other or even worse, your partner will internalize all of this, and end up with a plummeting self-esteem.
#4 Accept their contributions. Even if you can afford to spend plenty of money on your partner, try not to turn down their offer to pay or to go Dutch every so often. This is their way of exuding independence, so just let it go and
graciously accept it.
graciously accept it.
Never brush off their contribution by saying, “This evening cost nothing, so let me handle it.” You may injure their pride, because what may seem like peanuts to you is probably plenty to them. There is nothing wrong with expecting them to fairly contribute to the relationship, and you should be proud of your partner if they take it upon themselves to want to do so. Everybody wants to feel like they matter, even more so when it comes to financial matters and being independent.
#5 Don’t think that you’re in charge. I make a
lot less than my partner does and at one point, this posed as a major problem, as he just fell into the role of being the one in charge. Of course, we communicated well and managed to quash the issue without it getting out of hand, but to be fair, not many couples are able to do the same.
Always remember that just because you make more, it does not give you the right to wear the pants in the household. All it does is give you the power to offer your loved one a more comfortable lifestyle. As delicate as the balance of power and opinion can be in a relationship, never tilt it in your favor, just because you earn more.
Always consult your loved one when it comes to major life decisions like moving for a job, investing in assets and so on. Never take them for granted, and never assume that they will follow your lead. Money may mean power to many, but if you truly love one another, it should mean nothing.
source http://tasboy.com/what-if-you-make-more-money-than-him-learn-how-to-behave-around-him/
Friday, November 29, 2019
Mahiga Awataka Wakuu Wa Magereza Nchini Kutumia Ujuzi Wa Wafungwa Kujiendesha Na Kutoa Mchango Wa Gawio Kwa Serikali
Balozi Mahiga ameyasema hayo jana alipotembelea gereza la Kyela kujionea jinsi Taasisi za Haki Jinai zinavyotekeleza majukumu yake katika mahakama na magereza ikiwemo kutatua changamoto ya mrundikano wa mahabusu katika magereza pamoja na kuboresha mfumo wa utoaji haki na hali ya magereza kote nchini.
“Nguvu kazi za hawa wafungwa ni nyingi na wana ujuzi mbalimbali mnaoweza kuutumia kuanzisha miradi ambayo itawasaidia kupata fedha na mkaweza kujiendesha bila kutegemea ruzuku kutoka serikalini, watumieni. Pale Dar es Salaam natazama yale majengo ya magereza mnajengewa na jeshi wakati mngeweza kujenga wenyewe.”
Kwa upande wake Mkuu wa Gereza la Kyela ASP. Nelson.M. Mwaifani amesema kwamba wao wamejitahidi kuhakikisha kwamba gereza hilo halina msongamano wa mahabusu na kwamba mazingira ya wafungwa na mahabusu ni mazuri salama kwa afya za watu hao kwani wana mabweni na magodoro yanayowatosha wafungwa na mahabusu wote waliopo katika gereza hilo. Pamoja na hayo ASP. Mwaifani amemwambia Waziri Mahiga aliyeambatana na Mkurugenzi Mkuu wa Mashtaka Biswalo Mganga kwamba wameingia mkataba na Halmashauri ya Wilaya ya Kyela ya kuzoa taka ngumu, kuzibua mifereji na kufanya usafi katika hospitali ya Wilaya kwa makubalino ya kulipwa shilingi 6,700,000/- kwa mwezi.
Hata hivyo, Dkt. Mahiga alifurahishwa na uongozi wa gereza la Kyela chini ya ASP. Nelson.M. Mwaifani kwa kuwa wabunifu na kushirikiana vizuri na Halmashauri ya Kyela kiasi cha kufanikiwa kupata tenda ya kufanya usafi katika Halmashauri hiyo jambo linalowaingizia wastani wa cha shilingi milioni sita kwa mwezi. Aidha aliwataka wakuu wote wa Magereza nchini kuiga mfano huo na kwamba siku moja wawe sehemu ya taasisi za serikali zitakazotoa gawio mbele ya Rais wa Jamhuri ya Muungano wa Tanzania Mh. Dkt John Joseph Pombe Magufuli.
“Nataka siku moja gereza hili lichangie kwenye mgao wa pesa za Taasisi ya Mahakama kwaajili ya gawio la kwenda serikalini mbele ya Rais, nikisikia, nitafurahi sana. Nina uhakika hivi karibuni tutaulizwa mchango wenu ni nini kwenye gawio la serikali. Najua mnaweza kuwa vyanzo vingi vya kupata pesa hivyo ni matumaini yangu kuwa gawio lijalo Wizara yetu au Taasisi ndani ya wizara yetu itatoa kitu (‘very signficant’) kikubwa, na magereza nina uhakika. Kule sabasaba kila mwaka mnapata zawadi tena nzuri tu, mnaongoza, sasa hapa onesheni mfano mzuri.” Amesema Dkt. Mahiga.
Hivi Karibuni Mheshimiwa Rais Dkt. John Joseph Pombe Magufuli azitaka Taasisi za Umma zinazozalisha na kupata faida zitoe gawio kwa serikali na kuzipa siku 60 Taasisi,Mashirika na Makampuni ya serikali ambayo hajatoa yafanye hivyo ndani ya muda huo. Waziri Mahiga ameamua kutumia ziara yake ya siku saba pamoja na mambo mengine kuzipa changamoto Taasisi za utoaji haki jinai kuanza kufikiria namna ya kuweka mikakati madhubuti ili nazo zianze kutoa gawio kwa serikali. Ziara hii iliyoendelea leo katika Ofisi ya Mkuu wa Wilaya ya Kyela na Gereza la Kyela, itaendelea tena kesho katika Wilaya ya Mbarali jijini Mbeya.
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