I had interacted with corona at a distance, as we continually advised the people of Meru to wear masks, wash hands, avoid shaking hands and keep social distance.
I had followed CS Mutahi Kagwe, and his deputies, every day in the media giving statics of those tested, those who had turned positive, those being treated in hospitals, those under home care, and those who had died.
I always wore a KN95 mask in all my public gatherings. I had taken Covid-19 tests thrice, and they had all turned negative. I had no usual Covid-19 symptoms. No cough, no sneezing, no fever.
I felt relatively safe. Little did I know that I would soon be part of those statistics. My encounter with corona was most unexpected. It was a most frightening experience. Corona was no longer merely an issue of statics and emotional debates.
It was now about ME, and whether I would live or die. My entire life, my family, my work, and my future were suddenly at stake. My Corona cycle was in three phases. The first phase was marked by denial.
I had mentally refused to accept that I was sick. I forced myself to work until I couldn’t work anymore. I had extreme fatigue, fever, confusion, and general weakness of the body, but I didn’t think it was Covid-19.
For over one week, I tried to survive, on over-the-counter medicine, such as Panadol, Claritin, and Augmentin. I proceeded with my normal action-packed days, with a lot of difficulties.
I continued to feel feverish, extremely tired, sore throat, headaches, and confusion in my head.
I did not have the usual Covid-19 symptoms like coughing or sneezing, but I was feeling extremely tired, severe backache, indigestion and I had a bloated stomach.
To put it in layman’s language, I was not really myself. I just pushed and forced my body to work.
On Tuesday 9th March, I took the AstraZeneca vaccine. Although I was not feeling very well, I had to convince the people of Meru that the vaccine “was safe”. It was my political duty as a leader to give our people confidence in the vaccine.
I had been told that the side effects of the vaccine were high temperatures, fever, and a slight headache, which would disappear in a day or two. I experienced fever, headache, and very high temperatures that night.
I thought they would disappear the following day but they didn’t. The side-effects did not go away. Extreme fatigue, headaches, sore throat, and confusion of the mind persisted unabated.
My self-prescribed antibiotics, Claritin and Panadols didn’t work either.
I was in a lot of pain and suffering. Deep inside me, I was still convinced that all this was the continued side effects of the AstraZeneca vaccine which would go away with time.
On Saturday 13th March, I stayed indoors at my home at Nkubu, feeling feverish, weak, and generally confused. My wife came, and we travelled to Nairobi the following day. Our children had prepared an exciting surprise birthday for my wife, who was turning 60.
I had great difficulty “surviving” the party. I was feeling extremely fatigued and drowsy. I had to insist on the cake being cut prematurely so that I could go and rest in my bedroom.
On Monday 15th March, I saw a doctor who ordered several tests to be done on me, including a Covid-19 test. The Covid test was negative but the fever, fatigue, and high temperatures persisted.
At 3 am at night, Priscilla had to rush me to Aga Khan Hospital because my temperatures had shot up to 39c.
The hospital tests found nothing. Surprisingly, the temperature was normal at 37c. So we returned home. On Tuesday 16th, my brother Dr Kiraitu came to see me at home and found me in a terrible state.
I was drowsy and always felt like being left alone to sleep. He called Dr Mwongera and arranged for me to be admitted to Nairobi Hospital, the same day.
At the hospital, I took numerous tests including malaria antigen test, blood culture, stool and urine, an ultra-sound, head and lungs CT scan, and of course Covid-19.
The results came out the following day, I had Covid pneumonia. The second phase in my Corona cycle was acceptance and treatment. The doctors gave me hope but I could see they were not definite.
They were trying their best. This was a scientific and medical phase involving consultants, doctors, nurses, and the medicines they prescribed. I had no real fight against Corona. I become fatalistic, ready for any outcome.
I was taken through a very strict regimen of treatment and drugs like Vitamin D 360k, Zinc Remdesivir, Parafusiv, Ivermectin, Dexamethasone, Chlorhexidine, Xarelto, and Novarapid.
The nurses kept a round-the-clock vigil. They kept monitoring my oxygen uptake, temperature, blood sugar, and blood pressure every two hours for six days.
For me at this point, nothing really mattered. Corona had disconnected me from everything. It put me out of action. I felt weak and useless.
The news of Magufuli funeral ceremonies on TV only reminded me of the possibility of my own death; my final exit from this world. Magufuli had a great send-off. How would my exit be?
I kept asking myself. Is this my final un-ceremonial exit from the world? I kept praying that I don’t die, until 2022 when I will be 70. At least I would have attained the optimum biblical age.
My phone was full of emails, SMSs and WhatsApp get well messages from family, friends, workmates, political colleagues, and even from my political opponents.
Corona had brought us together. When you fall sick or dead, suddenly you become everyone’s friend.
But a few Facebook posts said I was in ICU, and some said I was dead. It didn’t matter since I was alive. I got to read, most of the goodwill messages after I was discharged.
I was informed by my staff that the churches and clergy in Meru had held prayers for me. One message read that God would restore my health and heal my wounds and I would go out “leaping like calves released from the stall”.
Their prayers were answered on Monday 22nd March, when I was discharged, to continue my treatment at home, but I was not yet out of the woods. The test still showed I was Covid positive, but I was not in any pain.
I owe my life to God, Dr Mwongera, my brother Dr Miriti, Dr Silverstein and the team of doctors and nurses who performed the scientific miracle.
I have heard some people being congratulated for winning a “heroic battle” against Covid-19. This is self-delusion, I did nothing. I didn’t fight. At the hospital, I just followed the doctor’s and nurses’ orders.
I didn’t even know what they were giving me. I was too weak and subdued. It was a very humbling experience for me. If I died, that would be it.
Everything would be irrelevant to me. You cannot defeat death. Even Lazarus who was raised from the dead eventually died again. The third Corona cycle was more friendly. It was in home isolation because I was still positive.
I continued with treatment and convalescence. I was put under a home-care nurse who continued to administer my drugs and monitor my oxygen, blood pressure and blood sugar levels every three hours.
I found it difficult to sleep on my tummy with oxygen tubes in my nostrils, but after a week I got used to it.
The beautiful thing about this phase is that the pain, fatigue, fever and confusion were gone. Apart from confinement at home, and the frequent interruption by the nurse, life was almost normal.
Corona should not only be seen in negative terms. It turned out to be one of the best, and most fulfilling times of my life. I enjoyed a “Corona Holiday” for the first time in many years, I found myself all alone, reflecting on my life and my future.
I enjoyed the warmth, love, and friendship of my wife Priscilla, my children, and my close family members, without any external interference.
I also had time to read, watch TV, and follow politics on social media, like other ordinary Kenyans. I took time to take stock of my political life and to tidy up some loose ends in my thinking.
This phase of Corona turned out to be one of the most creative, inspirational and revelatory moments of my life. I read some interesting materials on history and philosophy.
I read a booklet by a Roman philosopher, SENECA “ON THE SHORTNESS OF LIFE” which argued that our lives are not short; we only waste them, with irrelevant things.
He showed how we allow our lives to be “stolen” by others, and how gripped by an insatiable greed for money and power, we dedicate our lives to useless tasks.
He showed how political leaders are worn out by political ambitions, self-imposed servitude, and the life of display.
He said our lives are “caught on the whirlwinds and storms, carried hither and hither, and driven round and round in circles by the rage of opposing winds”.
This is very true of my life. My life had been ‘stolen’ from me by politics and social pressures.
As I read this book, I watched with pity, a frail-Raila Odinga, who was being treated for a Covid-19 attack being literally “dragged out of bed” so that he and the President could be seen together opening roads in Nairobi and Kajiado, for political optics, to show Kenyans that the “Handshake Deal” between the two was still intact.
Raila’s health came second. Politics came first. His life had been stolen from him. He was living a life of display. He was caught up in the endless winds and storms of politics.
This was a clear demonstration of how politics has robbed politicians of their lives. Our lives are no longer our own. We have been estranged and alienated even from ourselves.
We are permanently on stage, making impressions, seeking to be liked, and approved by others. We live a life of endless pretenses. We are too psychologically terrified to think and act independently.
I felt sad we have lost our own authenticity and freedom. Even our thoughts and our voices are no longer truly our own. We live a life of fear and suspense always worried about what others will think or say about us.
We are constantly listening to rumours, and scanning the political weather so that we can always be politically correct and always be on the winning side. Corona break gave me an opportunity to take stock of my own personal political journey.
Politics had robbed me of my life and my voice. Sometimes, it had robbed me of my freedom of thought. I had become obsessed with winning. In doing so, I had advocated and fought for ideas and anxieties which were not genuinely my own.
I had given in too much to the political and social expectations of others. If I had died of Corona, I would have died alone. All that noise and bustle of politics would continue without me.
I made a decision to appreciate myself and to reclaim my life. From now on, I would follow the desires of my heart. I would ignore all the noise, the psychological burdens of friendship and idiocies of politics.
I too have a fundamental duty to live a happy and decent life in the remaining years of my life. I promised myself to pursue my dreams without seeking approval from anybody.
I thank Corona for helping me to find myself and to liberate me from ‘others’.
source http://nairobiwire.com/2021/04/kiraitu-murungi-i-thank-coronavirus-for-helping-me-find-myself.html
No comments:
Post a Comment