“It was in January 2014 when I met this Ghanaian man, and my heart reverberated towards him. There was a big force within me because soon after the meeting, we hit the road running. We then moved in together or rather he moved into my house within two months.
I liked that he sounded different, acted differently and our love felt really exotic. As a former village girl, I felt I was going a notch higher.
We were in a celebratory mood for a while until the man realised that I was getting broke. My savings were drying up rapidly, after heavily investing in his business ventures, taking care of my son, him, and his friends and business partners, all grown men, from his country. By then, I had helped him to get a work permit and a driving license. I was certain that within no time he would be able to bring money home, only to later find out that the little money he had was also borrowed from other women.
This marked the first dent in our relationship. However, he would beg for forgiveness to a point of crying and swearing with the bible, his life, and his mother’s life that it would never happen again. It became a song. They say, love is blind and I was a victim. The fear of losing him coupled with low self-esteem made me forgive him countless times.
You see, I suffered low self-worth from way back in primary school. As the eighth child, in Makueni I felt unseen. High school life was tough and I faced a lot of competition, from my peers as I came from a humble background.
Confidence deficiency also followed me to college when I started dating. This gave me a sense of validation. I felt seen. I felt like I belonged somewhere and I was always looking forward to our meetings. Many young people fall into the trap of marrying their campus sweethearts because of that feeling of being ‘seen.’
I couldn’t finish all the stages of my CPA at Strathmore University because my parents were still struggling to educate my other siblings. I got a job in a construction company as a sales clerk and I ended up doing most of the administrative work.
Most of our clients were well to do people, mostly men, and they were very generous with positive compliments. I enjoyed it a lot, and I became very confident.
One of my clients became my lover. The village girl in me discovered candlelit dinners at The Rusty Nail and Karen Blixen, swimming in heated pools, watching the sunset while sipping exotic wine, and listening to the 80s, country music, and the classics. I discovered the joy of taking flights to the Kenyan Coast for a weekend getaway. Nothing could stop me from having exotic dates and at times having a dance in some serene nightclub. I had arrived.
Then, I fell pregnant and the attention I used to get waned. Soon, we parted ways.
I was a very aggressive young woman. By then, I had opened my own construction company which was doing quite well. My son and I were living life. I worked hard to a point of opening a branch of greenhouse fabrications and installation. I even started saving for a mortgage.
However, I unconsciously craved for a husband and a father for my son. I felt incomplete. That’s how I ended up meeting the Ghanaian when my son was eight. With my Ghanaian beau’ we did not waste much time and soon I was expectant.
When I was five months pregnant, we agreed that he would go back to Ghana to sell some of his property, so that he could come back to Kenya before I gave birth. By then my business was down, as I had taken a lot of debt to bankroll his ‘businesses’. I sold my car to afford a ticket for him and settled some bills. He bought a one-way ticket. He never came back.
When the delivery date came, I had no money. This was after so many reminders to my “husband” to send money and him promising each time. A friend came to my aid. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life because this particular friend had warned me against “my husband”, but I was very inexorable.
All this while, my “husband” and I were in constant communication and he kept on assuring me that we were still an item. My healing wasn’t easy because I had undergone a C-section delivery.
By then, my husband’s alleged property sale had not gone through. We agreed that it would be easier for us to join him in Ghana. I prepared myself, the kids, and my entire family for the plan to relocate. Nobody was happy with my decision, but I insisted.
The guy never sent our plane tickets, even after knowing that I had fully prepared to the point of disposing of all my house items and withdrawing my son from school. We waited for six months, all this while he made daily promises.
Finally, in December 2015 a woman purporting to be his wife called me from Ghana and told me that I had been conned. I was broke, broken, homeless, and a single mother of two children from two different fathers. I only had a suitcase of clothes in my possession and I moved in with my sister.
I looked for all kinds of jobs and also a cure for my pain. Fortunately, I came across a personal development and purpose discovery class which I went through courtesy of Coach Stephen Muiru.
The class introduced me to myself. I didn’t know who I was. I did the work of healing and forgiving myself. I am now a healed healer.
I started Angelique Achievers in 2018. I apply Personal Development and Spiritual Principles to heal people’s pain, trauma, and uncertainties, by having them take responsibility for their leadership, even from a place of adversity.
I revived my construction company last year and managed to buy another car this January. When you understand who you are, discover your why and purpose, you will feel complete, thrive, and be transformed.”
Credit: Nation.africa
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